At 23.00 GMT on February 24 2011 the WikiLeaks website posted details of a Controversial deal in which the US Federal Reserve had acquired $1.25 Billion worth of toilet paper from a Cayman Islands Registered Company linked to the 2012 Presidential Election candidate from Springfield in Massachusetts the ‘born-again then off-again then born-again’ Buddhist Musician, Comedian and self-taught snake charmer Bill Zucker.
The deal itself was brokered in July 2010 at an Alaskan Earl-Grey English Tea-party festival organized by the gorgeous Shannon Tweed and her partner Gene Simmons from the rock band KISS. Simmons and Tweed are Co-founders with Zucker in the New Jersey Stock Exchange listed Guitar Basher Holdings [NJSE:GBH] and recently achieved more notoriety as the firm that created the prototype of the egg that Zucker’s former ‘Did-she, did-they, has-she, have-they’ girlfriend Lady Gaga made her grand entrance at the 2011 Grammy Awards in. Its widely speculated that Lady Gaga wrote the track “Paparazzi” after first meeting Zucker who himself was the subject of many a camera-lens when he used to be part of the NKOTB and then NSYNC entourage, often seen teaching the young Justin Timberlake how to walk into a dimly lit nightclub while wearing dark sunglasses.
GBH is now the biggest manufacturing and storage provider of toilet paper in the US, thanks to its state of the art (and George Orwell inspired) recycling facility in Cuba. But it has always courted controversy and recently has been defending a class-action lawsuit by Californian homeowners who are sick of the spiralling costs of buying toilet paper which has now hit a 24 month high at $50 for a pack of cheap quality single layer, to more than $500 for a triple-ply velvet roll. It seems that even the high cost of gasoline and fuel prices didn’t cause the mass panic and protests with even the outgoing Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger’s desire to return to acting in order to raise enough money so that his own family could continue to afford toilet paper across his four mansions.
It was also GBH that assisted the iconic Jean Paul Gaultier in manufacturing the nipple-cones that Madonna famously wore for her burlesque music concerts more than a decade ago. That itself has caused controversy when the National Enquirer broke a story ( that Gaultier himself publicly denied ) indicating that they had received photographs of Zucker personally taking Madonna’s precise measurements for the very revealing semi-costume – something that Zucker’s girlfriend at the time 90210’s Shannen Doherty - had firmly rejected. Although the pictures never surfaced it was reported that Zucker spent 4 weeks in an Oklahoma rehab where he first met his now lifelong friend Michael Douglas. Just a few days later Doherty was unceremoniously dumped by Zucker in favour of her Charmed co-star Alyssa Milano.
Nobody at the US Federal Reserve was prepared to comment and we couldn't reach Zucker himself for a statement as he was on a business trip to Hawaii.
